That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
