no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i barfeds in our rink
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
