i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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