Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
