Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
