he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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