i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
