just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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