I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
