No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
