Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she looked like the before picture.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
