I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
