had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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