i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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