I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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