I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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