Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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