He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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