i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
