i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize