there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
