I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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