Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
