So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
