i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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