his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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