she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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