i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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