HIV tests are more positive than that guy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
