Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
