why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
