so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
