She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to cum in my sink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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