we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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