Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did i walk over a car last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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