he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
