Already got asked if we're dating
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
