I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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