i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
