i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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