If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
