Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
True college students do jello shots in the library
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
