I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i out mim tonsoeep
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