she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
