I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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