no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
