well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
