i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
