I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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