apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
