the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
