I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
