youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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