So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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